Tink Seats, Sore Seats, and Commando Babies

Tonight is my turn to babysit granddaughter Kinsey while her mom goes to night school.  Instead of picking Kinsey up at her home as planned, I had to meet Mary Lee and Kinsey at the pediatrician's office because their appointment ran so late.  So I didn't get to pick up Kinsey's potty chair; instead I got the portable, foldable, crappy Tinkerbell seat - or as Disney calls it - the Tink Seat.

Now this stupid thin piece of plastic folds up so you can take it anywhere!  Woo hoo!  However, when  you unfold it and put it on an adult-sized toilet it slips and slides like some kind of adventure ride at Disney World!  No kid - who is already scared of that huge toilet and falling in - feels secure sitting on that stupid Tink Seat.  So after we get home I ask her if she has to pee and she says no of course.  I suggest sitting on the *$%#$#$#$%$@%#$ Tink Seat and she goes into panic mode.

"NO!!" she screams.  "I don't need go pee pee!"  When I try to lift her on the seat she glues herself to me like the newly-hatched creature in Alien.  Against my better judgment I soothe her and tell her we'll try later.  She runs into the living room, hops into my leather seat, and starts crying.

"What?" I ask (like I don't already know). 
"I peed," she says so sadly I can't even think of being upset.  Besides, it's leather. 
So I get her all cleaned up and put clean panties on and we play, and we eat dinner, and we play, and she's wiggling....so it's time to try again.

We were in there an hour and a half - at least.  I gradually got her from the step to sitting on the edge of the Tink Seat where she looked into the gaping hole for probably 30 minutes.  We discussed all kinds of topics during this time, including the water in the toilet and where the pee pee goes and the sound it makes.  FINALLY I get her to sit with her butt over the hole!  YEAH!  I think I've made it now!

But no...now that she is truly centered on the &^&$*$#&$^ Tink Seat all she has to do is wiggle just a bit and the freakin thing slips and slides and eventually an edge or side slips into the hole.  So even though she is positioned perfectly for #1 or even #2, we have to keep adjusting the seat and adjusting her on the seat and adjusting the seat.  Finally I decide to get a folding chair because 1 hour sitting on the side of the tub has crippled my butt.  I get the chair as close to her as possible and we sit there hugging each other and the impossible happens.

"I peed...," she says quietly.  And I hear just a little tinkling.  We celebrate.  We sing.  We dance.  We wash our hands.  We get ready to play, but she starts wiggling again.  Oh no, #2.  We start over but she lays her head on my leg and I stroke her back and then I realize...she's sound asleep.  So I pick her up and wrap her in a quilt - yes, commando, because she only has 1 clean pair of panties left - and lay her on my (leather) couch. 

I'm tired.