Growing Up with Kinsey

Kinsey (my granddaughter) is spending the night with me tonight.  Her 3rd birthday is this Thursday and I have really seen a lot of changes in her in the past few months.  Her vocal skills have gone from gibberish to clear sentences.  The "why" questions have started; they're almost a reflex with her now.  The big surprise is the fear that has shown itself at unexpected times.

Since she was a teeny tiny thing she has loved the carousel and always ridden on a horse with an adult standing next to her and holding her tightly.  That is until a couple months ago when she and I picked out a horse and suddenly she didn't want to ride it.  We tried another one, but that didn't work either!  For the first time in her life she wanted to ride sitting on one of the benches and me holding her tightly and reassuring her that she was OK. 

Last week I met my daughter and Kinsey at the park and we went right to the swings.  Again she has loved the swings and always wanted to go really high.  Her mom put her in the swing and started to push her and she freaked out, "No!!!!!!!!"  That afternoon she only wanted to swing very slowly and have "little pushes". 

I seem to remember this "stage" with my own girls- it's like all of a sudden their awareness of the world around them kicks in and they realize the world is a big, scary place.  Tonight we went out to my car after dark to put the roof up (it's a convertible and it was sunny and in the 80's this evening so we cruised a bit after dinner....) and we were talking about seeing the moon and stars and all of a sudden she had her face buried in my waist and she wanted to be picked up.  She hid her face in her hands like she was scared of the dark.

What a conundrum for her!  Just as she is truly mobile and vocal and ready to explore the big, wonderful world, the world becomes a very scary place!  It's a tough job for parents to guide them through this stage - too much protecting and they may remain timid and tentative throughout childhood - not enough understanding and kindness and they are now scared and can't count on anyone to protect them.  Glad I've already been through the parent thing.  It takes a LOT of patience.  As her grandmother (or Grenah as she calls me) I can listen to her and love her and cajole her - and then in the morning give her back to her mom.

I can so relate to her fear.  As an adult it seems ridiculous that last week she was fine outside after dark and tonight she was clinging to me like a tree frog.  Yet it seems ridiculous to me that I can have feelings of anxiety - vague feelings of dread - when I'm driving home from work.   Or even at work.  Or anytime.  So I am learning to listen to myself, love myself, and cajole myself...and not INDULGE or OVERINDULGE myself.

It's almost bedtime and I've got to put a waterproof mattress pad on my bed, so I'll be going.  But will share a couple pics from tonight.