the more things stay the same....

When I walked through the kitchen door yesterday the first thing I saw was garbage all over the floor.  I gasped, but I did not yell or scream or flail my arms.  As I stood there the FLB* trotted up with his tail wagging.  I glared at him and pointed at the mess.  He looked.  Then he remembered.  Oh.  His tail lowered and his whole body slumped.  All I said was, "Bed.".  He slunk off to his doggie bed.

I didn't have to clean up the worst of the garbage: a handful of chicken fat cut from some chicken breasts, gooey barbecue sauce, and a hairball cleaned up a couple days ago.  The FLB* ate those treats.  So my part of the cleanup was pretty quick.

Of course I'm waiting for the denouement.  He ate raw chicken fat and a hairball.  I'm sure there will be some gagging drama in the middle of the night soon.  Sigh.

After I cleaned up the mess and did some other chores I decided to release the FLB* from his timeout and take him outside.  I wanted to get my two new plants out of the car.  One plant with tiny purple flowers at the end of its long green leaves looked like it had some white spots on some of the leaves, so I decided to leave it outside and spray-wash it for a few days before bringing it into the house.  As I set the plant on my patio a tiny 3"  lizard leaped from the plant to my hand.  I heard a shriek and I think there were some body tremors before the lizard jumped from my hand to the patio.  I'm proud to say I did not wet my pants...not even a little.

I do have some sad news.  My houseplant palm tree did not survive.  I'm not sure what happened.  This was the plant that the FLB* liked to sniff around and stare at.  I thought I watered it carefully but it started to yellow and brown and before long it was dead.  When I took it to the street to be added to the yard waste pile I thought I saw the blinds move in my living room.  Was the FLB* watching me?  Was he...laughing?
I purchased a replacement palm last week and so far it looks wonderful in the living room and the FLB* seems to be ignoring it.

I have some great news, too.  I have a new grandson.  Evan Philip Carter was born less than 30 minutes before Fathers' Day.  He is beautiful and sweet and cuddly.  Here is his one month old picture:

And this is little Evan with his big brother 3-yr-old Noah.  It looks like Noah is sucking the brain right out of Evan, but he's counting to 5 while kissing his little brother - as directed by his mom so she can get the photo.

*FLB = Harley, mixed terrier.

One of the pleasures of my job (I work at a B&B.) is meeting new and interesting people.  Today a nice-looking man was brewing hot tea in our lobby when I was walking through.  Our eyes met and I commented on drinking hot tea when it was in the 80's outside.  (It was NOT a wisecrack; it was a friendly observation.)  This led to a long discussion where I learned so many fascinating things about him:

•  He grew up in Viet Nam in Saigon.  It was tradition to keep a hot pot of tea going all day.  All guests were always offered a cup of tea.  They also believed that drinking hot beverages helped them to feel cool in the tropical heat of (South) Viet Nam.  
• His grandfather was a physician who was well-known in Saigon and who believed in treating the whole person and had a lot of ideas about eating and taking care of yourself that are becoming more popular today.  Joey (he introduced himself as Joey and I'm not sure if this is the correct spelling or not - he's very Americanized so it may be...) didn't speak until he was 5 and his family believed he might be "stupid" (his word), so no one paid much attention to what they said around him.  He spent all his time with his grandfather at his practice and said he knew all about menopause, having babies, and many other things by the time he was 5!  
• His grandfather came to America with the rest of the family, and died at the age of 88 when he was hit by a car.  This happened in Pensacola, FL.  An autopsy was performed because the Highway Patrol wanted to blame the accident on an "old drunk or drugged man" (meaning a foreigner) and the autopsy showed him to be not only alcohol and drug-fee, but he had the body of a 68-yr old.  This happened back in 1987.  The driver was never charged.  
• Joey is in the Air National Guard.  He is 50 yrs old and looks 40.  (And I only guessed 40 because he has some gray hair.)  He says at his physical training for the Guard he outruns much-younger men all the time and loves it!

What a delight he is - and what stories he must have!  I wish I could have spent much more time with him, but I WAS working.  I filled my coffee thermos with hot green tea and drank that this afternoon.  It was weird and I didn't feel cooler, but I'm going to keep at it.  He also drinks room temperature water as needed.

I'm glad to be back on my blog.  I deviated from my "no tv for one year" project by getting into hulu too much.  And while my family was visiting for spring break they hooked the TV back up and I've had several wasted evenings back in my old habits.  I heard on the radio today that hulu will start charging for their service in May or June so that will put an end to that.  Bummer.  It's kind of cool to pick and choose what to watch and when.  For free.  I'm not PAYING for it.  So I'm baaaccckkk.  I've got some stories - after all, I spent 4 days/3 nights in VEGAS BABY recently, and the wildlife is stirring here in NE Florida. 

PS Harley is alive and well.  He hacked up a 4" hairball yesterday. 

TV - THE GREAT NUMBING EFFECT

For some reason I wanted to watch TV very much this week.  I wanted the noise and the "company" that TV could provide, especially yesterday and today.  It was like a craving - no reasoning to it - just WANTED it. 

I knew that the TV would be full of AFTER CHRISTMAS SALES & LIQUIDATIONS commercials.  I reminded myself how annoying those would be. Still wanted TV.  I tried to analyze this craving:  did I associate TV with Christmas?  I was unable to dredge up any memories of TV and Christmas - no parades or events that I would miss. Still wanted TV.


I finally decided I was tired.  I had hosted dinner for my family Christmas Day and, even though we all had a great time, I was beat.  TV would be so EASY...just sit there and click click click my way into numbness.  Nothing (besides sleep) is as EASY and as MIND-NUMBING as watching TV.  And when I say "watching TV" I was not thinking of any particular show.  I still like certain TV shows and look forward to watching them in the future.  When I craved "watching TV" I craved sitting in my big chair with the remote and staring at the TV and tuning out.    

Instead of watching TV I cuddled up in my big chair with my new Sue Grafton mystery, and read.  What a pleasure to read something as well-written and intriguing as U is for Undertow.  Unlike so many writers today who take a formula and just basically "fill in the blanks" as they crank out book after book after book (can anyone say James Patterson?), Sue Grafton crafts each and every book the same way an artist creates a painting or a sculpture.  She experiments with point of view, she is attentive to detail, she creates living, breathing characters who you care about - even if they end up being the "bad guy".  

I start a new Grafton mystery by allowing myself a chapter or two at a time, but I always end up devouring the final chapters as the suspense builds to a surprising climax.  I finished this book last night.  I was sad for a few minutes - sad and satisfied - and then decided it was time to read the series from beginning to end again.  The series is so good that you can read and reread the books and enjoy them over and over again.

I've been reading a huge collection of Flannery O'Connor stories and I'm ready to be finished. What a tremendous talent!  I've learned a lot about writing, but I'm ready for something ... sunnier.  Not a lot of laughs in Ms. O'Connor's stories.  Same for Eudora Welty...another Southern writer with a very twisted way of looking at things.  I have The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass waiting for me at the library.  I may release my hold on that one - again, not a happy funny novel - and start rereading A is for Alibi.

DOGS, COPS, AND DAUGHTERS

"Back in the day" when I used to watch TV I would use it to lull myself to sleep, or to pass the time when I couldn't sleep.  My ex and I divorced in 1992 and the following August I bought a house in Lake Capri, a quiet community of mostly older folks who had moved there in the 1970's and 1980's to retire.  Atlanta suburban sprawl had caught up to this part of Rockdale County and now it was just another suburban neighborhood.  I loved the area with its spring-fed lakes and walking trails, and I liked the house.

My older daughter, a senior in high school, moved in with her father, and my younger daughter stayed with me.  Our house had two bedrooms upstairs that shared a large bathroom and, on the weekends when my older daughter came to stay, the girls could have all the privacy up there they wanted.  The master bedroom was downstairs and I could also have all the privacy I wanted and needed at that time.  The house had a large fenced yard and the girls' two dogs lived back there.  Snoopy and Jodi were two mutts that the girls adopted at the pound when both dogs were just puppies.  Snoopy was a black chow-mix and Jodi was a huge hairy collie-shephard-and-something-else mix.  The dogs were my responsibility (problem) now as they were older and the girls had moved on to bigger and better things.

One winter night I could not sleep and I was channel-surfing, clicking from one station to another, looking for something, anything to watch.  I had put the dogs into our large utility shed because it was going to be below freezing that night.  Melissa was asleep upstairs (or so I thought) and Mary Lee was at her dad's.  I was in the divorcee's typical sexy nighttime outfit - an over-sized tee-shirt and panties.  Click.  Click.  SCREAM.  I jumped and clicked.  One of the channels must have had on a horror movie and I clicked on it just as some poor victim let out a bloodcurdling scream.  It gave me shivers and I made a note to skip that channel if I surfed near it again.  Click.  Click.  What's that?  Boring.  Click.  Click.


Let's change the point of view.  My daughter Melissa, who was 13 or 14 at the time, was upstairs just dozing off when a bloodcurdling scream woke her.  She froze in her bed as the scream was cut off!  MOM!?!  She listened and heard nothing.  O MY GOD!  Had something happened to Mom?  She reached for her phone and pulled it under the covers with her.  9-1-1.  She told the operator that she had heard her mother scream downstairs and she thought someone was in the house.  The operator immediately dispatched two deputies to the address and kept Melissa on the phone.  Was there any way she could get out of the house?  No, the stairs and front door were by her mother's room.  Was her bedroom door locked?  No, yes, maybe, sometimes it didn't lock all the way.  Did she want to check?  No!  She was too scared to even get out of bed.  For all she knew her Mom was dead and someone was coming up the stairs to get her!  The operator tried to calm her and kept her on the phone while the police hurried to our address.




Point of view shift:  Mom is watching some stupid movie or program downstairs totally unaware of what is going on in her daughter's room.  All of a sudden she sees lights dancing on the wall outside of her bedroom door.  Mom rubs her eyes; the lights are still there.  It looks like someone is shining a flashlight through her living room windows.  Holy crap!  Someone is trying to break in!  Mom is terrified!  She mutes the TV and slowly climbs out of bed looking for a weapon.  Nothing!  She tiptoes to her bedroom door and peers around the wall into the living room.  There are two people standing at her front door shining flashlights through the window!  One of them raps on the door and says, "Ma'am!  Police!  Can you come to the door?"


Police?

"Just a minute!" she says.  She stumbles to the door and slides back the latch.  She hears her daughter's bedroom door slam open and her daughter stampedes down the stairs saying, "I'm sorry!  I'm sorry! Mom, I'm so sorry!"

Mom opens the door to the police who are relieved that we are both all right, but supremely aggravated that,  in checking out the house before approaching the front door, they had heard noises around back and opened the utility door.  The two excited dogs had bounded out, jumped all over them, and had run away.  My daughter apologized for calling 9-1-1 and they were very kind to her and told her she did the right thing.  I was mortified to be standing there in an over-sized tee-shirt, wild hair, and clueless.  They apologized for releasing the dogs, and made a halfhearted attempt at rounding them up before they gave up and drove away.  Melissa ran back upstairs and fell asleep.  I put on some sweatpants and a jacket and retrieved the dogs.

VACATION OVER - PICTURES FOR THE RECORD

"Disney World" for dogs.  Harley loves this backyard.  Picture taken from backdoor/patio..steps lead up to pool (closed for winter).  Blond dog with curly tail looking at the camera is Lilly - named for a character on Days of our Lives.  She is 9 years old and the alpha dog - Queen - of the backyard.  The little dog behind her is the *FLB.

*FLB=freaking little bastard

Bo and Harley being friends for the camera.  Bo (also  named for character on Days of Our Lives) is the no-way-alpha-ever dog and just LOVES Harley.  Bo shares his doghouse with Harley on cold & dark winter nights.  Unless they are all in the garage - on REALLY cold nights. 

Lilly looks on as Bo & Harley frolic. 

My daughter baked a homemade chocolate pound cake from my grandmother Maxwell's recipe.  She set it on the dining room table while we were working on something else in the kitchen and I advised her NOT to cover it for awhile.  It has a nice crunchy-brownie-like crust on the outside and if you cover it tightly the crust softens.  A few minutes later I noticed a little face peeking out from behind the cake.  The little face seemed to have crumbs on it and looked rather pleased.  I motioned my daughter over to the door and we both watched.  Then she went and examined the cake.

Yep, someone had been scraping off pieces of the cake.  Some 2-year-old grandson!  Noah (NOT named for anyone on TV)  was mighty pleased with himself and we have a Thanksgiving story.

BAREFOOT AND ...NOT...PREGNANT

Thanks to the Merriam Webster online dictionary:

Main Entry: ¹va·ca·tion

Pronunciation: \vā-ˈkā-shən, və-\

Function: noun

Usage: often attributive

Etymology: Middle English vacacioun, from Anglo-French vacacion, from Latin vacation-, vacatio freedom, exemption, from vacare

Date: 14th century

1 : a respite or a time of respite from something : intermission
2 a : a scheduled period during which activity (as of a court or school) is suspended b : a period of exemption from work granted to an employee
3 : a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation
4 : an act or an instance of vacating

I'm on vacation.  I am enjoying a respite from work and the daily routine, and for the first few days I have enjoyed suspending a lot of activity.  Every once in a while I feel a twinge of "should" as in what SHOULD I be doing?  I bat it away with a shake of my head.  It's almost noon and I'm still in my pajamas and barefoot and wearing my daughter's Snuggie. 

Every morning so far (this is my 3rd day of vacation) my grandson Noah and I have enjoyed coffee together in the dining room.  We discuss the view outside the French doors which includes trees, leaves falling from the trees, rain (yesterday), sunshine (Saturday), clouds (this morning), and Harley.  We discuss the deliciousness of the coffee while stirring our coffees with our spoons.  Mornings are the best.

I have to admit staying TV free has been a challenge.  At home I've rarely been tempted to watch since I unplugged 9/1/09; however, here in my daughter's house temptations are everywhere.  My first afternoon here the family went to a birthday party (for a 1-year-old) and I stayed here to take a much-needed and appreciated nap.  I snuggled on the couch with an afghan and a magazine.  The magazine, Entertainment, had the Twilight-series' stars on the cover and lots of talk about the movie New Moon, but lots of the magazine was devoted to current TV shows and what's happening on various series.  Suddenly I was salivating about Dexter and wondering about new shows I had never seen!  I put the magazine down, pulled the afghan over my head, and slept soundly.

Later that day my daughter was laughing at the latest Survivor shenanigans and told me she wished I was watching it this season, because one of the "survivors" was really sly, manipulative, and smart.  (Not always a combination you find on the show.)  He's president of an oil company and doesn't care (or at least he says so) about the million dollar prize.  I found myself laughing at his antics as retold by my daughter, but not really tempted to watch.  Then I asked her about Amazing Race and she told me about the gay brothers who pretended to be straight to woo the girl teams, and the Harlem Globetrotter team members who were very down-to-earth, and funny as all get-out.  Why did I ask?  Self-torture.

Last night I was listening to my audio book in my room as I relaxed before bed.  When I realized I was dozing off and missing whole sections I decided it was time for lights off.  I walked into the living room to say good night and...my eyes were drawn...unwillingly...to the TV...to the episode of....Amazing Race...that was playing.  A little voice in my head screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooooo."  I turned, I turned back.  There was Phil, the good-looking and wry host of Amazing Race.  I gasped, "Where are they?"  My daughter answered, "Prague".  Oh my, the Czech Republic.  Maybe I'd just watch for a minute.  I confess.  I watched almost the entire episode. 

Was this a slip?  Would I have to attend TA* meetings again? Did I have to call my sponsor?

Naaaahhhhhhh.

I went to bed with an almost-clear-conscience.  About 96%.  Pretty good for a recovering Catholic.

This morning the TV is on and Noah has watched an episode of Backyardigans, some Einstein show on the Disney channel, and now some dinosaur train show on PBS.  They are just background noise while I catch up on email and blog.  I did stop to sing the Backyardigans' songs.  I'll be getting dressed eventually; it's still cold and overcast outside.  My daughter has a cold so we'll be staying in today.  Whatever.  I'm on vacation.

*Television-addicts Anonymous

Audio Books and Driving

Blogging remotely from Covington, Georgia

When I decided to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter's family one of the most important items on my to-do list was :  get audio books at the library.  The drive from St. Augustine to Covington is six to seven hours depending on traffic congestion, road construction, and determination in "making good time".  I've made it in seven and I've done it in six.  Audio books keep me entertained and awake, two important ingredients for driving long distances by myself.  A third ingredient is plenty of caffeine:  I know all the Starbucks on my route.

So last night I had the *FLB in the backseat; he sits in the pink Princess car seat that my other daughter gave me last Christmas so my granddaughter could zip around town with me.  Harley doesn't seem to mind the color or the Princess logo repeated all over the seat; he's secure in his sexuality - or what's left of it after I had him neutered.

In the front passenger seat was my CD player, the audio book A Most Wanted Man by John LeCarre', backup audio book for the return trip Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King (a collection of short stories), and my purse.  You might be wondering why I had a CD player on my front seat instead of using my car's CD player.  Well, the car's CD player finally died earlier this year.  It didn't quit working all at once; no, that would be "normal".  Instead, like all things electronic in my family, it died piece by piece.

It was the kind of CD player where all the CDs are loaded into the CD changer in the trunk.  A wonderful invention where I could load 6 music CDs or 6 Audio CDs and listening to all 6 would get me almost to my destination.  When the CD player started to die, it died one CD disc holder at a time.  So on one memorable trip up to north Georgia I listened to DISC#1, then DISC#2, then DISC#4....WHAT?  At least for that trip I was listening to Christmas music and not an audio book; skipping whole chunks of a book would have driven me nuts.  Over the next couple months the CD player continued to quit working one disc at a time.  Finally it just died.

So with a fresh set of 8 "C" batteries and my first CD disc loaded I headed north towards Florida.  Just as I merged onto I-95 my cell phone rang; it was my long-time best friend Bonnie who lives in St. Petersburg.  (Florida not Russia)  We hadn't talked in weeks, so we spent the next hour catching up.  I had to be careful; traffic wasn't too heavy,  but the last time I got in a cell-phone discussion with Bonnie while I was driving long distances, I overshot my destination exit by 15 miles!  This time, HA!, I saw the sign for I-295 WEST just in time to cut across two lanes of traffic and make it.  We talked all around Jacksonville and hung up as I merged onto I-10 West.  Traffic was very heavy by then and I had to pay strict attention.  Besides, Bonnie had to go.

I listened to my first CD disc of A Most Wanted Man after I filled up with gas in Macclenny,  Florida.  And may I just say that Macclenny was a bit nerve-racking.  There was a Wal-Mart with a gas station on the outer perimeter of its parking lot, and people were lined up for gas like it was on sale or something.  (It wasn't.)  Just past the gas station a couple had parked their pickup truck on the grass and she was holding up a hand-lettered sign that said FREE PUPPIES and MOMA FREE TOO.   "Moma" looked like a pit-bull-mix as did the puppy that the man was holding up.  No thanks.  And please, they couldn't spell Mama?  Momma?  Anything but MOMA.

I spotted an oasis in this rural outback - STARBUCKS - and got myself a grande vanilla latte at the drive-thru.  Thus fortified I returned to the gas station and grabbed a pump without any problem.  Once safely out of Macclenny I started my CD player and enjoyed the first installment of my book.  By the end of the disc I was in Georgia.  It was dark as pitch and I didn't think I should be changing discs while hurtling along I-75 north in a construction zone.  I waited until the construction zone ended and at the next exit pulled off for a drink (LARGE diet Pepsi with a shot of cherry) and a disc change.  I also took the *FLB for a "walk".

The 2nd disc finished just as I passed Macon.  I couldn't tell you one detail or memory of that part of the drive.  I must have been watching the road, but I don't remember it.  My mind was totally on the book.  If I thought about it much I guess I'd be scared, but Harley and I made it to my daughter's house in one piece.

Epilogue:  This morning when my grandson ran into the living room to see his darling Grenah, he ran PAST me and to the French doors where he hollered:  HARLEY!  HARLEY!

*FLB=freakin' little bastard

DEAR GWENN

Dear Gwenn,

I'm sorry I didn't get up to the North Georgia Mountains to visit you in October.  As it turned out my two girlfriends Ann & Gaelyn did their "Fall Festival Tour" the 3rd weekend of October, but I had to miss it.  It was not a good time to miss work; we were upgrading our reservation software at the Inn and I needed to be there.  I missed seeing you and visiting you in Blairsville more than anything!

I thought of you a lot yesterday.  My 3-yr-old granddaughter Kinsey spent the morning with me while her mommy had a hair appointment.   I used - and used it knowing how much you would love me doing it! - the cup and saucer with the lovely purple flowers and gold trim you painted several years ago.

I made coffee and then mixed lots of milk and sugar and a tiny bit of coffee in an old china pot I had purchased at an estate sale in Tampa.  While Kinsey watched with eyes as big as - you guessed it! - SAUCERS,  I got out the special cup and saucer she had been eying for weeks.  While I set the table and got her ready for her special coffee, I told Kinsey about my special friend Gwenn who painted the flowers and the gold on the cup and saucer.  She was so very excited to be using her Grenah's special things.

I brought her the coffee and the cup & saucer and brought my own cup of coffee to the table.  We had the best time!  Just two girls drinking their coffee and talking!  She was very respectful of the special cup.  I asked her to be very careful, but also explained that nothing would ever be as special as she was to me.

When she finished her first cup of coffee she asked if she could pour more and, of course, I said yes.  She was so careful; she used two hands.  She warned me that it was very hot and that she would be very careful not to burn herself.  I just love it when she is so serious and is being so "adult" in modeling her behavior.  And her imagination!  That "coffee" was cold cold cold.

As we were sitting there and the quiet settled around us I thought of you and the first time I met you at the fall festival.  I couldn't remember if it was the Hiawassee Festival or the Sorghum Festival in Blairsville, but I did remember that you and I hit it off from the very beginning.  I loved your artistry, and then, the more you talked, the more I loved your wonderful personality.   And your spunk and your laughter!  I fell in love with an English Squat Pot and told you I wanted to buy it.  You said I could only buy it if I promised to use it.  I was horrified!  No way!  It was too gorgeous!  I knew I'd drop it or crack it against something or the boiling water would destroy it.  You took it back from me and told me I couldn't buy it then!  You told me in no uncertain terms that the pot was made for steeping tea and that you meant for all you artwork to be used and enjoyed.  I promised to use it and I still do to this day.  I still enjoy the short fat shape of it and the delicate pansies you painted on the pot.

I was thinking today that it must be close to 15 years since we first met; I can't believe it has been that long.  Year after year my girlfriends and I would drive up to Hiawassee to enjoy a 4-day weekend in the fall colors of the mountains.  And we would hit every festival we could while we were up there - big and small.  Year after year my favorite part was hunting for your booth and for your smile.  A couple years - when you weren't feeling well, you weren't there.  I missed you badly.  And the next year I would be so anxious looking for you and so relieved when I saw your smiling face!

Yesterday, before I served the coffee, I used my little Aerolatte whip to whip up some milky foam for my own coffee.  After we had been sitting there for awhile and just talking and sipping, I asked Kinsey if she would like some foam, too.  She nodded her head and I took some foam from my cup and added it to her cup.  Of course, I knew that wouldn't be enough.  She asked if she could do it, and she took several spoonfuls of foam.  We got a little silly after that because when you drink a nice lovely foamy cup of coffee, you tend to get a foamy mustache!  So that's when the giggling started.

Eventually Kinsey filled her cup to the brim with "coffee" and foam so she couldn't lift it without spilling.  I showed her she could just lean down and sip from the side (Emily Post I'm not) and she got foam  on her nose and on her lips.  This led to a major bout of giggling from both of us.

I understand why keepsakes are to be treated with respect and also why part of that respect is to use them.  I could put all my treasured painted-by-Gwenn porcelain pieces on a glass shelf and admire all those pieces until the day I died.  I could write notes on each one explaining why it mattered to me.  I could hand the pieces down to my daughters and  they to their children.  Some of that may still happen.  But the magic happened Saturday morning with my granddaughter and using the porcelain cup and saucer and the memories and  the foamy giggles.

Gwenn & Karen April 2009

St Francis Inn, St Augustine

 Love you, Gwenn, and miss you so much!

Karen

HARLEY - YOUR BRAIN IS HOW BIG?

Three months after I adopted my trusty terrier Harley (the *FLB) from the Humane Society my daughter was hospitalized with pneumonia.  This was not Harley's fault and I am not blaming him.  By this time Harley and I had been through the dog obedience class taught by the Humane Society, and we had started to bond.  Somewhat.  My sister and her adorable 8-month-old Golden-shepherd-mix named Max were also in the class.  Guess which couple got oohed-and-aahed over?  The class was made up of all adoptees and catered to their "issues", such as not being socialized, psychological damage from abuse or neglect, not being house-trained, aggresiveness, and fear.

*Please note that nowhere on the ID card attached to Harley's cage when I adopted him did it list any of these potential problems.  Here is what I learned about Harley in the three months following his adoption:
(we're going to compare with the ID card attached to his cage at the shelter)


Name:  Harley       
(Probably true - at that time he would look at me if I called him Harley - of course he looked at me if I called him *FLB, dog, WHAT THE ....!, hey you, want a treat, and want to go for a ride?

Gender:  Male      
Definitely true - I had him neutered before I brought him home but only a male would raise his leg so often and so high.  How high?  High enough that he actually flipped himself over one time.  Not kidding.

Age: 1 year
I guess so.  My only other guess is that he's older than Satan himself and will never be carbon-dated.

Likes:  children and dogs
As I mentioned in my previous post he started a fight with a chow-mix at obedience class.  By then I'd already been warned to keep a tight leash on Harley because he growled and barked at some of the other dogs - not all the other dogs - just the aggressive and scary ones.  I didn't dare let him near children; however, he now has developed a "mutual respect" relationship with my 3-yr-old granddaughter.  He understands that HE IS DEAD if he harms a hair on her head and that she has carte blanche with him.  :o)   Not really, I have to protect them from each other.  sigh.

Dislikes:  cats
Dislikes is not strong enough - obsessed with cats, hates cats, despises cats.

Story:  child developed allergy to dog
My butt...these people had had enough of ruined carpets, chewed up books, dog hair everywhere, and decided to dump him quick.  They probably told their kids the dog ran away.

So...we had been through obedience school and were starting to bond.  Sometime in April my 29-year-old incredibly healthy RN daughter Mary is hospitalized with pneumonia.  And doesn't get better...gets sicker every day.  Longest week of my life.  I spent the entire week going to work, going home to walk Harley, going to the hospital, and going home to sleep.  Thursday Mary finally started getting better.  I decided to take a 30 minute break from the hospital, and take Harley over to my sister's house to play with Max.  The two dogs were best friends and were the funniest pair to watch, especially since Max was more than double Harley's size.

My younger daughter Melissa had driven down from Atlanta to visit her sick sister and we both decided to enjoy the spring evening and put the top down on the convertible.  I drove, Melissa rode shotgun, and the leashed-up Harley rode in the backseat.  I kept the other end of the leash on my right wrist so that he wouldn't jump out of the car if he saw another dog or, God help us all, a cat.  We drove the 2 miles to my sister's house and made the last turn onto her street doing about 15 mph.  As I straightened the wheel I heard something funny and realized at the same time I couldn't see Harley.  The leash attached to my wrist disappeared over the side of my car!

Simultaneously I screamed, "Where's Harley?!" and stopped the car.  Melissa looked over her door and shouted, "He's next to the car!"  I turned off the ignition, jumped out, and ran around to the passenger side.  Harley was panting and limped over to me.  I picked him up; the pads on his paws were all torn up.  I held him to me and shouted for Melissa to drive us the few remaining feet to my sister's house.  She raced around the car, jumped in, and pulled into my sister Sheila's driveway seconds later.  Melissa ran into the house and I took Harley around through the back fence to their screened porch.  I was in hysterics and didn't know what to do!

Sheila kept her cool and looked up emergency vets in the Yellow Pages while I tried to examine Harley.  He acted like he was in shock and his poor paws looked like raw meat.  I couldn't find any other injuries but I was terrified of internal injuries; I didn't know if I'd hit him or bumped him with the car.  Meanwhile an awful stench kept making us all look around.  It smelled kind of like feces but much much worse; however, we couldn't find anything on Harley or nearby.  Sheila called the 24-hour animal hospital, got directions, and Melissa and I were soon on our way.

I am grateful for the kind personnel at the emergency hospital; they cleaned Harley's wounds (which involved trimming his pads...ewww....) and examined him thoroughly and bandaged him up.  About $200 and 3 hours after Melissa, Harley, and I set off on our "quick break" we were back home.  I took the pictures right after we got home.  He was still looking pretty pitiful at that time.  The vet said that from the appearance of Harley's injuries, she would guess that when I slowed for the turn, Harley jumped out with his legs rigid, and tore up his paws when he hit the ground, because he was stopped and the car wasn't.

The funny sound I had heard (now the urge to giggle starts bubbling in my throat)...the funny sound I heard was Harley trying to run 15 mph on legs that are about 6 inches long.  What?  Not funny? Just try to picture it and NOT LAUGH.  And before you judge me, did you ever see American Vacation with Chevy Chase?  Remember what happened to Aunt Edna's dog?

"Once again on their way, the family stops at a picnic area, only to discover that Dinky the dog has urinated on the picnic basket. Everyone is revolted — except Aunt Edna, who shrugs off the flavor and continues eating. After leaving the smelly "Kamp Komfort", in South Fork, Colorado, they learn from an enraged motorcycle policeman (James Keach) that they have driven off with Dinky still tied to the rear bumper. The deceased dog apparently kept pace with the car "for a mile or so".

TELL ME you didn't laugh when you watched that scene! Besides, Harley only ran for about 10-15 seconds before I realized what that sound was.  It's not like I dragged him for MILES through the desert or anything. 

And the smell?  I asked the vet why my arm that had held Harley smelled liked the worst kind of feces, and why we smelled that odor all around us in Sheila's neighborhood that evening.  Well... when an animal is really frightened sometimes they.... "express" their anal glands.  So basically, Harley scared himself shxtless - but instead of pooping he squeezed out all his anal gland stuff.  (You're not eating, are you?)

I realized during that whole episode how much the little terrier meant to me.  I was really and truly scared!  I went out and purchased a seat belt for him so he could ride safely in my car with the top down.  I had stopped adding up the costs** of the "free pound pup".  Not really, but it sounds nice to say.  If you think I'm being unfeeling or cavalier about the whole thing take a look at Harley on the day AFTER the accident.

He's already pulled off one of the foot bandages (left rear).  This picture shows him staring out my living room window at some offending CAT or DOG walking by HIS house.  Does he look harmed in any way? 

Don't you just love the cone around his head?  Let me tell you...I'd take him for his walk and he would put his head down to sniff and get that cone stuck in the grass every time.  OMG it was so funny!  Like a Bugs Bunny cartoon!  The cone would get stuck and he would still take one or two more steps before he'd realize he was stuck!  He was and has been unending entertainment.

*FLB=freaking little bastard

**Adoption fee, neutering, crate, library book, new jacket, carpet, dog food, dog dishes, collar, leash, ID tag, Special Iams dog food for SENSITIVE TUMMIES, toys, obedience class fee, emergency vet bill, doggie seat belt

And thanks for all your wonderful comments!  And for following my blog.  It is gratifying to share my stories.  Anyone want to adopt a free completely house-trained small non-shedding terrier?  Just kidding.  Call me.  No, I'm just kidding.  Seriously, call me or email.  I'll pay the shipping.

HARLEY THE WONDER DOG

Thousands of you have asked about the FLB* that often accompanies my darling, precious Harley's name.  Although I had about 10 other topics to discuss today, including a followup to the heebie-jeebies disorder and its manifestations in the presence of Florida's wildlife,  I decided I could not ignore the clamor from  my fans.

Please remember that the number of my followers and number of visitors displayed on my blog are grossly under-reported.  I have to keep a low profile.

Harley will be 6 years old in January.  He is a "mixed terrier".  A Heinz 57.  As someone on the street once called him:  a Disney dog.  Yes, he is incredibly cute.  Now.

When I first saw Harley at the St. Augustine Humane Society in January 2005, my comment was, "He's kind of fugly, isn't he?"  "Noooo," my sister Sheila argued.  "He's very cute!  Look at his cute face."  It had been Sheila's idea to visit the Humane Society that day.  She wanted to adopt a puppy for her family and she knew I wanted a dog, too.  "Now, you know, Karen," she had said in as kind a way as she could manage, " in 10 years you'll be in your 60's and you won't be able to pick up a large dog."  Family.  You can't live without them and laws prevent you from slicing them into chum and tossing them into the open waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

The puppy that she was taking home was a darling Golden-shephard mix and about 6 months old.  He was galumphing around his cage and I wanted to trade.  The mixed terrier was wiry and had hair sticking out around his neck like an Elizabethan collar.  "I don't know," I wavered.  The card on the terrier's cage read," Name: HARLEY  Age: 1 YEAR  Gender:  MALE   Housetrained:  YES  Likes:  CHILDREN AND OTHER DOGS  Dislikes:  CATS.  Story:  CHILD DEVELOPED ALLERGY TO DOG."  I didn't have a cat and I had heard that terriers didn't shed much.  My only other options were to go home empty-handed or take home a pit-bull-mixed something and wait for the inevitable mauling.  "Just take him out and walk him around," Sheila urged.  I approached a volunteer and she handed me a leash.

When I opened the gate Harley jumped up and down like he had springs in his back legs!  I leashed him up and took him outside.   I was pleased to see that he immediately relieved himself.  So he knew to do his business outside.  In fact, he relieved himself several times, lifting his leg here, lifting his leg there, etc.  He didn't seem interested in me, but that could have been the excitement of being outside.  I squatted down and rubbed my hand down his back.  He WAS wiry, but kind of soft, too.  His ears  were so cute and how about those big brown eyes...I was hooked. 

The next week I brought Harley home.  I let him sniff around and get used to my condo.  I'd only been living there 10 months and everything was still very fresh and new to me.  Even though the carpet was several years old the former owners had kept it in good condition, and I did worry that Harley might have some accidents on it.  I took him out frequently over the next several hours.

The next morning I blocked him in the kitchen/laundry rooms with a baby gate.  He had fresh water and chew toys and a floor to tinkle if he had an accident.  I had house-trained other dogs by blocking them in a kitchen and it had worked well.  I gave him a treat and left.

I hurried home after work to see my new buddy.  I unlocked my back door, opened it, and gasped.  My laundry room and kitchen floors were covered in garbage.  As I picked my way through the trash I was horrified to see a chewed-up library book on the floor.  That book had been on the clothes dryer!  My new Liz Claiborne jacket was crumpled  in with the garbage on the floor, too!  I looked at the wall where my coat had been hanging.  The hook and the 30-lb screw anchor attached to it had been pulled out of the wall and there was a HOLE IN MY WALL.  SOMEONE pulled and tugged and SWUNG on my jacket until he pulled the hook right out of the wall.  In addition, my new jacket was torn.  I wanted a gun.  "HARLEY!" I roared.

The baby gate was knocked askew.  Harley was nowhere to be found.  Finally, I spotted the little beast in my guest bedroom with an empty can of ravioli next to him.  He looked pleased to see me; he wagged his tail.  I was afraid I would kill him if I touched him, so I said very calmly, "Come on, you f***ing little bastard.  Let's go for a walk."  He jumped up and ran past me to the back door.  As I leaned down to clip on his leash he lifted his leg and peed on my dryer.

That night Harley and I drove to Wal-Mart to purchase a dog crate.  I didn't dare leave him alone in my condo.  Already this "free pound puppy" was draining my wallet:  neutering, adoption fee, replacing the library book, one very nice jacket, and now a crate.  I left him in the car while I made the purchase.  Maybe someone would steal him.  No such luck, though, he was waiting when I returned.

The next morning I placed him in his crate with a dish of water and a chew toy.  We had played in and out of the crate the previous evening, so I hoped he would be okay with it while I was at work.  I gave him a treat and left.  I hurried home after work to see my new best friend and let him out of the crate.  When I walked into the living room I at first didn't understand what I was seeing.  The crate was filled with what looked like white yarn!  White yarn and a terrier!  Huh?  Then I saw the hole in my carpet and the CONCRETE FLOOR UNDERNEATH.  Harley managed to somehow push the plastic tray on the bottom of the crate through the opening of the crate - you can slide out the tray without opening the crate door - I guess if you have a pitbull-mix-scary-dog that's what you would do.  Harley managed to push the tray out - I don't know how he "unhooked it" and then he dug a hole in my carpet.

I left him in the crate for fear I would kill him.  I had owned this dog less than a week and he was destroying my home and driving me crazy!  I considered taking him back to the Humane Society.  People did it all the time.   I paced back and forth refusing to look at him.  I refused to look at him because he was sitting and wagging his tail and just looking so happy to see me.  I sighed, stalked back to the laundry room, grabbed his leash, stalked back to the crate, opened the door and leashed him before he could run to the back door by himself.  I muttered, "You f***ing little bastard, I can't believe you dug a hole in my carpet, you f***ing little bastard."

I signed us both up for dog training the next day.  Over the next three weeks I considered taking him back time and time again.  The last time was the day he picked a fight with a chow-mix at dog training class WHILE THE INSTRUCTOR WAS HOLDING HIS LEASH.  I was in tears by the end of class like the mother of a juvenile delinquent who knows the kid has to go to jail.  For some reason I made a commitment in my heart that day to keep him no matter what.  Smooth sailing since then?  NO WAY NO HOW.  I do love the FLB and he never ceases to surprise me.  Each surprise usually costs me money or time but now I usually get a laugh or at least a good story out of it.

Just ask me about his accident 3 months later....another time.

OFFSPRING FROM ANOTHER PLANET

I have not mentioned this NO TV project to my two daughters; I knew they would just think it was another weird thing about their weird mother.  I'm finally getting it that they don't get me and that's OK; I really didn't "get" my  mother either.  That's why we have grandchildren.

Mary Lee (my older daughter who lives here in St. Augustine) noticed Saturday my cable wire was disconnected from my TV and asked me what was wrong with my cable.  So I told her I wasn't watching TV for a year. 

"Why?" daughter asked.

"Because I just wanted to see if I could do it."  mother answered.

"Cool."  daughter comments.  

"Bullshit." mother is thinking.

 I know that's not the end of it.

So I guess the two daughters put their heads together.  I'm sure Mary Lee reported this aberration along with  the new bumper stickers on my car:  EVE WAS FRAMED and DON'T PISS ME OFF - I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO BURY THE BODIES.  I mean, come on!  My beloved Cabrio is 10 years old and I'm finally only carrying Liability Insurance and I'm driving it as long as I can and have no plans to sell it so if I want to put bumper stickers on it now, so what!  Anyway, they're always comparing notes to see if it's "time".  You know, time to "put me away".  I'm only 55 and they've been preparing for "putting me away" for a decade already.  I've told them both I've got a one-way ticket to Tahiti that I'm using with the last of my strength.  Actually, it's for Nome - I think it would be better to freeze to death on an ice floe than to die all hot and sweaty on a tropical island. 

So...my younger daughter Melissa calls me tonight.  She's driving down from Atlanta for a long weekend with me.  (BTW bringing 2-yr-old Noah - woo hoo!)

"So I hear you're like not watching TV for a year," daughter says.

"That's right,"  mother answers...waiting.

"So does that mean like no one can watch TV?  Like I can't watch Survivor or Amazing Race while I'm visiting?"  daughter asks with her 3-year-old voice.

"That's right, no TV at all.  After all Tim will record everything for you anyway."  mother is screwing with daughter....because she can.

 "Oh... yea...that's right.  Well, that's fine."  daughter sounds pitiful.

"Well, I guess I could hook up the TV in the bedroom and you could spend time with the TV instead of with your mother."  God, this is great.

"No, no, you're right, Tim will record everything."  Daughter is being so nice.  I know it's killing her.

I did let her off the hook, but it will be weird to be all together and not watch TV.  I will have it hooked up so my friend LuAnn can watch while she's here visiting for a week, and it will be hooked up this weekend in case my daughter wants to watch, but I won't use the opportunity to watch.  That would be...like...cheating.

Day 6 - Time Management, Cousins, and the Beach

I am so tired I was going to skip tonight, but that would not be fair. What a great day! But I feel every muscle right now and just want to put my head on my pillow and sleep. OR sit in my big fat chair and channel-surf! That's right, tonight was the first night I was really tempted to watch TV. Anything special I wanted to watch?
NO.
Anything special I was trying to avoid?
NO
Why then?
Because I was bone tired and sitting in a big fat chair channel-surfing or just watching whatever's on takes less energy than just about anything in the world. Good thing I disconnected the cable TV wires. That sounded like too much work to hook them back up.
So, Sunday morning I usually wake up, stretch, and click on FX to watch reruns of The Practice. Then it's time for Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood which I really do enjoy. Then reruns of The Sopranos on A&E and by then it's almost noon.
Today I woke up around 9:30am and continued to read La Vida Vampire by Nancy Haddock (a local author). I really enjoy her writing style and the story is very entertaining. The characters are fleshed out well and, well, I like it.
Harley hopped up next to me eventually and I got dressed and took him for a walk. When I returned I thought I'd make a pot of tea and make some blueberry pancakes, but FIRST I was going to check my email and facebook accounts. That led to checking my Blog to see if I had any new followers and any comments. That led to me reading the comments and checking out my cousin Melanie's Blog. TWO HOURS LATER I realize it's after noon and I'm hungry and half the day is gone! I had laughed until the tears came while reading about her exploits and just enjoyed it so much I had lost track of time. I called her and left a long message on her answering machine telling her that and also telling her she owed me my Sunday morning back.
Harley and I hopped in my car for a quick trip to Wendy's for a quick lunch and I remembered I hadn't left my phone number for Melanie. So I called her back and she answered. We talked and talked and when I arrived at Wendy's I pulled into the shade of some trees and turned off the car and continued the conversation. AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATER I finally hung up. HEY MELLY, YOU OWE ME A SUNDAY AFTERNOON NOW! It was great comparing notes and hearing about her family - her parents just relocated from Massachusetts to Portland - and all the adjustments and upheavals.
Harley & I picked up a burger & baked potato and headed home. Harley was especially grateful because it had gotten a bit HOT in the car and he was panting. He lives in air-conditioning and is a bit spoiled, you know. I gave him a big bowl of fresh cool water when we arrived home and then ate lunch.
Later on I met Arlene and Betsy at Playa Chac-Mool on the corner of A1A and D Street. We caught up on all the news and enjoyed a great and authentic Mexican meal. Then we went for a really long walk on the beach. It was beautiful out there and lots of people walking, surfing, playing volleyball or touch football; it felt like a holiday weekend.
I can hardly believe I've made it almost a week with no TV. I'm loving my life.