Venturing Out....Back in the Saddle Again

I am searching for writing support and it has been a slow, gradual process. I attended a book festival back in September, then attended a meeting of the Ancient City Writers in October.  November and December screamed by with family visits and the holidays.  In January I missed the first class of a Creative Writing Class by one day. I consoled myself with the thought that it was really an "Introduction" to Creative Writing Class and I hoped I was beyond the "Introduction" part of writing.  I also determined I would not let any more opportunities pass me by!

I found a Sisters in Crime group meeting in Jacksonville the first Saturday of the month, so I made plans to attend the February meeting.  Since my granddaughter Kinsey was spending the night Friday night (her parents' wedding anniversary) I knew I would have to be razor sharp Saturday morning to get us both up, dressed, fed, and out the door in time to make my meeting more than 40 miles away.  My plan included a list of errands, a quick bite to eat, a quick trip to Publix, and then playtime at home before bedtime.  Friday evening clicked by right on schedule and Grenah and granddaughter were both in bed by 9:00pm and asleep by 9:30!

Harley helped out by jumping on the bed and waking us both up at 2:00am to be let out!  *FLB!!!!  He has never done that before!  I woke up enough to leash him up, take him out (with Kinsey holding my hand - "It's DARK, Grenah!"), bring us all back inside, and get Kinsey and myself settled back into bed.  She went back to sleep immediately.  I tossed and turned and finally dropped off after 2:30am. 

Saturday morning dawned foggy and damp and chilly.  I showered while Kinsey watched Milo and Otis in my bedroom.   We had a quick breakfast and took the *FLB (AKA Kinsey's "BEST FRIEND HAHRY") for his morning walk.  We packed up her things and I dropped her at her mom's house about 15 minutes behind schedule.  I tore up US1 to Jacksonville and only made one wrong turn before I found the SE Branch of the Jacksonville Library. 

The presentation had already begun, but the secretary Pam was gracious and signed me up as a new member and took down my information.  I found a seat - not too hard, there were only about 10 people in attendance.  The speaker was a traffic accident reconstructionist who also investigated crime scenes.  He had brought a slide presentation of an actual case and he demonstrated step by step how he started with the evidence at a crime scene and then worked backwards to see how each piece of the scene ended up where it did.  Among other things he had to determine where the shooters were standing, how they were standing (upright? crouched?), where the victim was standing, how he was standing, the path of the bullets from starting point to ending point, etc.  The main differences between real life and the CSI shows seem to be: 1. CSI's don't solve crimes in real life, and 2. what happens in less than an hour on TV can take weeks in real life.  He logged 178 hours on just this one case in Alabama.

After the talk I met a couple of the members and found out about their book club, too.  Networking, it's all about the networking.  One of their future speakers teaches a Creative Writing class - great!  I received a great boost from attending this meeting and getting "out of my comfort zone". 

I ran an errand and treated myself to lunch, then drove home on A1A with the ocean on my left, sun shining brightly through my windshield, and my windows down to catch the breeze.

*FLB=Harley

4 Months and Counting Since I Unplugged the TV....

My cousin Nina mentioned to me (by email) that I hadn't talked about living without TV in awhile.  Funny.  That was the focus of my blog when I started. 

I used to come home after work and turn on the TV.  First thing.  Now my TV only gets turned on when I watch my two Netflix movies per month, or when I watch a DVD.  I watched Get Shorty a couple weeks ago.  I love that movie.  I also watched a VHS tape (OMG!) of It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve.  My daughter gave me the DVD of Inglourious Basterds for Christmas, but I haven't taken the plastic off yet.  Watching my TV set has become an "event" instead of just background noise in my condo. 

That being said I have found that the Internet is just as addicting and time-consuming as TV.  I boot up my laptop every evening and

1. Check my facebook account.  OMG facebook.  I don't spend as much time on facebook as I did when I first signed up.  I don't play Farmville anymore.  BUT I do spend a lot of time commenting on my friends' posts and clicking on links - and then those links often lead to other links - and more links.
2. Check my Google mail.  I set this account up when some A-hole hijacked my Yahoo address book on Christmas Day and sent all my contacts emails with ads for Canadian Viagra.  I actually had one friend who asked why I had sent it to her.  sigh.  I think it hurt her feelings that I thought she needed Canadian Viagra.  I had to explain the hijacking thing and then I pointed out (kindly, I thought) that WOMEN  don't take Viagra anyway.  dur.  (BTW... is Canadian Viagra different than American Viagra?  I've never dated a Canadian guy....)
3. Check my Yahoo mail.  Because some people will NEVER update my email address to the new Google address no matter how many times I ask them.
4. Check my Hotmail mail.  Because there are still a couple people who have never updated to the Yahoo mail.  I must be the most patient friend in the world. 
5. Check my Blogger home page and read the Blogs I'm following.  Sometimes I comment on their blogs, or click on the blogs  they are following and so on and so on.
6. Check my bank account.  That doesn't take long.  sigh.
   
7. Read the local paper online because someone always wants to TALK to me during my break at work when I'm TRYING to read the local paper. Reading the paper online tends to lead to reading the Jacksonville news online which can lead to watching short video clips of interest.
8. And maybe write something on my own blog.

Seriously, I was doing all this online stuff AND watching TV before I unplugged the TV so I don't feel too bad about it.  It does cut into my WRITING.

As far as TV is concerned the Winter Olympics, the Oscars, and some TV series I miss will be on.  When I was a kid, if I missed an episode of something, that was it.  I had one chance to maybe catch the rerun in the summer.  Now, between listening to the radio and accessing the Internet, information is always available.  If I'm still interested next September when my project is complete, I can Netflix or Hulu to my heart's content and catch up on my favorite story lines and characters.  We'll see.

You're not the boss of me!

I had such good intentions for this week.  Put away all the Christmas stuff.  Get all my paperwork sorted, organized, shredded, filed, etc.  Normal household chores.  Maybe even start that walking thing - you know, exercise?

But it's cold.  I'm not talking chilly...I'm talking "freezin' butt cold" (as my friend Susan calls it).  It has stayed in the 40's and 50's during the days and below freezing at night.  My heat pump is set for 68 degrees - very "green" of me.   And it's COLD in my home.  I would never set my A /C to 68 degrees!  For one thing that would be a waste of energy and money.  For another thing it would be freakin' COLD in here!!!!  YET YET YET it has not been above 68 degrees in my home since Saturday.

All I want to do when I get home is wrap up in a quilt and get warm.  So I wrap up in my Grammy's crocheted quilt and then I snuggle in my big, fat chair, and I read.  Or I wear one of my two jackets and get on my laptop.  Or I eat - after all, that brings up the body temp considerably.  What haven't I done?  Put away the Christmas stuff.  Get ALL my paperwork sorted, organized, shredded, filed, etc.  Normal household chores.  And forget exercise!  It's COLD outside and I have little outerwear - a couple jackets, no gloves, no hats (unless sunhats & visors count), and no warm scarves.  And there's no way I'm stripping down to some stretch pants and a top and doing yoga in this cold meat-locker living room of mine.

I will admit that I have sorted a lot of paperwork and put a lot away - not all I had hoped.  AND I unloaded, reloaded, and ran the dishwasher.  But that's it.  That's all.

Well, whaddya know?  ....my hands are much warmer now.  Maybe a little tantrum was just what I needed.  I'm feeling much better and I believe I have some things to do .... after all...it's only Tuesday!

TV - THE GREAT NUMBING EFFECT

For some reason I wanted to watch TV very much this week.  I wanted the noise and the "company" that TV could provide, especially yesterday and today.  It was like a craving - no reasoning to it - just WANTED it. 

I knew that the TV would be full of AFTER CHRISTMAS SALES & LIQUIDATIONS commercials.  I reminded myself how annoying those would be. Still wanted TV.  I tried to analyze this craving:  did I associate TV with Christmas?  I was unable to dredge up any memories of TV and Christmas - no parades or events that I would miss. Still wanted TV.


I finally decided I was tired.  I had hosted dinner for my family Christmas Day and, even though we all had a great time, I was beat.  TV would be so EASY...just sit there and click click click my way into numbness.  Nothing (besides sleep) is as EASY and as MIND-NUMBING as watching TV.  And when I say "watching TV" I was not thinking of any particular show.  I still like certain TV shows and look forward to watching them in the future.  When I craved "watching TV" I craved sitting in my big chair with the remote and staring at the TV and tuning out.    

Instead of watching TV I cuddled up in my big chair with my new Sue Grafton mystery, and read.  What a pleasure to read something as well-written and intriguing as U is for Undertow.  Unlike so many writers today who take a formula and just basically "fill in the blanks" as they crank out book after book after book (can anyone say James Patterson?), Sue Grafton crafts each and every book the same way an artist creates a painting or a sculpture.  She experiments with point of view, she is attentive to detail, she creates living, breathing characters who you care about - even if they end up being the "bad guy".  

I start a new Grafton mystery by allowing myself a chapter or two at a time, but I always end up devouring the final chapters as the suspense builds to a surprising climax.  I finished this book last night.  I was sad for a few minutes - sad and satisfied - and then decided it was time to read the series from beginning to end again.  The series is so good that you can read and reread the books and enjoy them over and over again.

I've been reading a huge collection of Flannery O'Connor stories and I'm ready to be finished. What a tremendous talent!  I've learned a lot about writing, but I'm ready for something ... sunnier.  Not a lot of laughs in Ms. O'Connor's stories.  Same for Eudora Welty...another Southern writer with a very twisted way of looking at things.  I have The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass waiting for me at the library.  I may release my hold on that one - again, not a happy funny novel - and start rereading A is for Alibi.

HARLEY - ON VACATION

Harley is having a great time on vacation.  He loves it in the backyard here.  It is completely fenced and about a half-acre in size.  Imagine you are a 20-pound mixed terrier and your greatest obsession is marking your territory.  You are let loose in a large yard with lots of bushes and trees.  Heaven.  Add in two more dogs for company and you have the perfect vacation for a dog.

The other two dogs are named Lilly and Bo.  Lilly is a blond & tan 50-pound mutt of indeterminate origin.  She has a long, crooked, curly tail, the long sleek lines of a greyhound, and  the rounded nose and floppy ears of a hound.  Bo weighs in at about 80 pounds and has the unfortunate genetic background of Basset Hound and Labrador retriever.  Unfortunate because he is as thick and heavy as a Labrador, but his big body sits on Basset Hound legs.  He also has Basset Hound ears and can raise the hair on the back of your neck with his howl.

All three dogs have been adopted and all have their own issues.  Put them together and they get along fairly well.  Lilly and Harley skirmish over alpha status.  Bo follows Harley around the yard while Harley marks his way around the perimeter of the fence.  Lilly and Bo make Harley wait until last before he can eat.  Sometimes they all bark together at some imagined threat or noise.  One afternoon the fire station about two miles away released the trucks, sirens blaring.  All three dogs howled.  And Harley and  Bo play in weird dog ways; this afternoon Harley was lying on his back and Bo was licking his belly.  It was a little too Caligula for me.

It's dark and chilly tonight.  Lilly is snuggled in her dog house; Bo and Harley are bunking together in  Bo's doghouse.  I don't ask and they don't tell.

HARLEY GAMES - AN UPDATE

Harley sits and stares at me at every mealtime.  I say the "OK" release command.  He sits and stares.  Eventually he eats.  I figure he will get over this eventually.

Today when I got home from work he greeted me at the door as always.  After a quick trip outside to relieve himself he trotted back in and I heard....

...crunching.....

what?

I looked and he was eating his breakfast.  Granted, the dish was not as full as when I left it this morning, but....

....he saved this all day to make me think that he SIT AND STAYED ALL DAY???

Maybe he is winning.

HARLEY THE WONDER DOG

Thousands of you have asked about the FLB* that often accompanies my darling, precious Harley's name.  Although I had about 10 other topics to discuss today, including a followup to the heebie-jeebies disorder and its manifestations in the presence of Florida's wildlife,  I decided I could not ignore the clamor from  my fans.

Please remember that the number of my followers and number of visitors displayed on my blog are grossly under-reported.  I have to keep a low profile.

Harley will be 6 years old in January.  He is a "mixed terrier".  A Heinz 57.  As someone on the street once called him:  a Disney dog.  Yes, he is incredibly cute.  Now.

When I first saw Harley at the St. Augustine Humane Society in January 2005, my comment was, "He's kind of fugly, isn't he?"  "Noooo," my sister Sheila argued.  "He's very cute!  Look at his cute face."  It had been Sheila's idea to visit the Humane Society that day.  She wanted to adopt a puppy for her family and she knew I wanted a dog, too.  "Now, you know, Karen," she had said in as kind a way as she could manage, " in 10 years you'll be in your 60's and you won't be able to pick up a large dog."  Family.  You can't live without them and laws prevent you from slicing them into chum and tossing them into the open waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

The puppy that she was taking home was a darling Golden-shephard mix and about 6 months old.  He was galumphing around his cage and I wanted to trade.  The mixed terrier was wiry and had hair sticking out around his neck like an Elizabethan collar.  "I don't know," I wavered.  The card on the terrier's cage read," Name: HARLEY  Age: 1 YEAR  Gender:  MALE   Housetrained:  YES  Likes:  CHILDREN AND OTHER DOGS  Dislikes:  CATS.  Story:  CHILD DEVELOPED ALLERGY TO DOG."  I didn't have a cat and I had heard that terriers didn't shed much.  My only other options were to go home empty-handed or take home a pit-bull-mixed something and wait for the inevitable mauling.  "Just take him out and walk him around," Sheila urged.  I approached a volunteer and she handed me a leash.

When I opened the gate Harley jumped up and down like he had springs in his back legs!  I leashed him up and took him outside.   I was pleased to see that he immediately relieved himself.  So he knew to do his business outside.  In fact, he relieved himself several times, lifting his leg here, lifting his leg there, etc.  He didn't seem interested in me, but that could have been the excitement of being outside.  I squatted down and rubbed my hand down his back.  He WAS wiry, but kind of soft, too.  His ears  were so cute and how about those big brown eyes...I was hooked. 

The next week I brought Harley home.  I let him sniff around and get used to my condo.  I'd only been living there 10 months and everything was still very fresh and new to me.  Even though the carpet was several years old the former owners had kept it in good condition, and I did worry that Harley might have some accidents on it.  I took him out frequently over the next several hours.

The next morning I blocked him in the kitchen/laundry rooms with a baby gate.  He had fresh water and chew toys and a floor to tinkle if he had an accident.  I had house-trained other dogs by blocking them in a kitchen and it had worked well.  I gave him a treat and left.

I hurried home after work to see my new buddy.  I unlocked my back door, opened it, and gasped.  My laundry room and kitchen floors were covered in garbage.  As I picked my way through the trash I was horrified to see a chewed-up library book on the floor.  That book had been on the clothes dryer!  My new Liz Claiborne jacket was crumpled  in with the garbage on the floor, too!  I looked at the wall where my coat had been hanging.  The hook and the 30-lb screw anchor attached to it had been pulled out of the wall and there was a HOLE IN MY WALL.  SOMEONE pulled and tugged and SWUNG on my jacket until he pulled the hook right out of the wall.  In addition, my new jacket was torn.  I wanted a gun.  "HARLEY!" I roared.

The baby gate was knocked askew.  Harley was nowhere to be found.  Finally, I spotted the little beast in my guest bedroom with an empty can of ravioli next to him.  He looked pleased to see me; he wagged his tail.  I was afraid I would kill him if I touched him, so I said very calmly, "Come on, you f***ing little bastard.  Let's go for a walk."  He jumped up and ran past me to the back door.  As I leaned down to clip on his leash he lifted his leg and peed on my dryer.

That night Harley and I drove to Wal-Mart to purchase a dog crate.  I didn't dare leave him alone in my condo.  Already this "free pound puppy" was draining my wallet:  neutering, adoption fee, replacing the library book, one very nice jacket, and now a crate.  I left him in the car while I made the purchase.  Maybe someone would steal him.  No such luck, though, he was waiting when I returned.

The next morning I placed him in his crate with a dish of water and a chew toy.  We had played in and out of the crate the previous evening, so I hoped he would be okay with it while I was at work.  I gave him a treat and left.  I hurried home after work to see my new best friend and let him out of the crate.  When I walked into the living room I at first didn't understand what I was seeing.  The crate was filled with what looked like white yarn!  White yarn and a terrier!  Huh?  Then I saw the hole in my carpet and the CONCRETE FLOOR UNDERNEATH.  Harley managed to somehow push the plastic tray on the bottom of the crate through the opening of the crate - you can slide out the tray without opening the crate door - I guess if you have a pitbull-mix-scary-dog that's what you would do.  Harley managed to push the tray out - I don't know how he "unhooked it" and then he dug a hole in my carpet.

I left him in the crate for fear I would kill him.  I had owned this dog less than a week and he was destroying my home and driving me crazy!  I considered taking him back to the Humane Society.  People did it all the time.   I paced back and forth refusing to look at him.  I refused to look at him because he was sitting and wagging his tail and just looking so happy to see me.  I sighed, stalked back to the laundry room, grabbed his leash, stalked back to the crate, opened the door and leashed him before he could run to the back door by himself.  I muttered, "You f***ing little bastard, I can't believe you dug a hole in my carpet, you f***ing little bastard."

I signed us both up for dog training the next day.  Over the next three weeks I considered taking him back time and time again.  The last time was the day he picked a fight with a chow-mix at dog training class WHILE THE INSTRUCTOR WAS HOLDING HIS LEASH.  I was in tears by the end of class like the mother of a juvenile delinquent who knows the kid has to go to jail.  For some reason I made a commitment in my heart that day to keep him no matter what.  Smooth sailing since then?  NO WAY NO HOW.  I do love the FLB and he never ceases to surprise me.  Each surprise usually costs me money or time but now I usually get a laugh or at least a good story out of it.

Just ask me about his accident 3 months later....another time.

Procrastination & A Fork in the Road

Since disconnecting the 3 TVs I have found a lot of freedom and a lot of free time.  I don't feel that pressure to fit my activities to a program schedule - even down to the potty break commercials.  I have read A LOT of books. Fiction and nonfiction.  And I've written two short stories and a query letter.  Excellent.

BUT (you knew there was a but coming, didn't you?) I have found that I'm spending more time surfing the Internet, and just kind of "messing around" on the computer.  And what I'm doing is killing time.  This is also known as PROCRASTINATION. We all know what procrastination means but I wanted more than a definition. So I checked Wikipedia:

Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by the deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. ^[1] Psychology researchers also have three criteria they use to categorize procrastination. For a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.^[2]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrastination

Interesting.  So I analyzed (This in itself could be called procrastination, but since I'm blogging about it AND I stopped to fold a really large load of laundry, let's not call it that, OK!) :  What actions am I deferring? Housework. Dishes, Kitchen cleanup, Vacuuming, Dusting, de-Cluttering. etc. (oh I feel the  anxiety now)  OK.  Now I have to look at the behavior itself:  Surfing the Net.
Counterproductive?  Well, it's not producing anything.  except possibly anxiety.
Needless?  Sometimes.  Yes.  When I'm just procrastinating...
Delaying?  BINGO. 

So I think I have reached a fork in the road.  Back to Wikipedia:

 A fork in the road is a metaphor, based on a literal expression, for a deciding moment in life or history when a major choice of options is required.

 A major choice of options.  A .. major .. choice .. of .. options......is required.  Otherwise you're standing still and digging in your heels or just spinning your wheels....or going back from where you came.

In the past few days I have not been enjoying this free time and I've been looking for ways to fill it.  And it's not that I'm being all "I have to be doing something productive all the time!" either.  I could go to the library and get an armful of books and put off changing my behavior.  I have one movie from Netflix.  I could watch that, then watch the DVDs I already own.  And those behaviors would be  counterproductive,  needless, and delaying.

I didn't give up TV so I could read until I go blind or so I could watch movies every night.  I gave up TV to change something major in my life.  And now it's time to change another.