NATURE VS NURTURE: PART I

There are many good things about Florida.  There are many bad things about Florida.  Pictured to the left you see one of the VERY BAD things about Florida.  This Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake was found in a neighborhood in St. Augustine a couple weeks ago.  This picture was on the front page of the St. Augustine Record and, after seeing it, I had the most incredible case of heebie-jeebies I've ever had.  The heebie-jeebies lasted about a week.

If you are unfamiliar with this particular disorder, heebie-jeebies manifests itself as phantom caresses on your legs, the urge to brush your fingers through your hair 476 times a day, nervous tics, and unexplained shudders.  In addition to the physical symptoms the victim also experiences severe psychological fears and behaviors such as:

• Fear of getting in your car in the dark, so you turn on the overhead light to make sure you are alone; you then peer in the back seat, and under your seat, and up near the gas pedal until you start to feel foolish;
  
• Fear of missing what was hiding in your car in the dark and is now slithering or crawling out from its hiding place, so you turn on the overhead light while you are driving AND talking on your cell phone and nervously look on the floor near your feet where you can't see anyway;
• Fear of stepping on some creature while walking your FLB* (your beloved terrier Harley) so you carry a flashlight and shine it where you are going to step, but still shriek when you almost step on the large brown and gray toad who lives near the back door;
• Fear of a tree frog (with little suckers on the end of its legs!) springing onto you as you enter or leave your home so you watch for tree frogs (several live on my back wall) and dash in or out if the heebie-jeebies is especially strong that evening.   Of course the FLB* (your beloved terrier Harley) doesn't help you dash as he is sniffing the large toad sitting near the door and you trip over him and almost fall onto the walkway thinking all the time that the toad is going to leap on your leg while the tree frogs leap onto your head and STICK to your HAIR.
  

Don't pooh-pooh.  The week before this HUGE MONSTER RATTLESNAKE was found, a young woman in Jacksonville rented a car and, when she opened the door and started to slide in, discovered a 3-foot-long red snake lying on her dash sunning himself in the window.  The car rental company had no idea how it got in there.  (HEY STUPID! SOMEONE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN OR THE WINDOWS DOWN!)

Excuse me; I'm hyperventilating.  (nice yoga breath) (again)

To finish the above stories and not leave you hanging, the young woman received a replacement rental car but was very uncomfortable driving it.  (Beginner's heebie-jeebies.)

The 7'3" rattlesnake (the record size is 8'...what a bummer right?) was killed by a trapper who "rolled it up like a hose", stuck it in a sack, threw it in his truck, and drove off.  The trapper was found a couple days later by a reporter and, when asked why he killed the snake instead of capturing it, said, "I was always brought up that the only good poisonous snake is a dead poisonous snake."  I wonder if he is married....   He took the dead snake to a muffler dealer who makes things (ew.) out of snakeskin and traded it for a future car repair.  (I take back the married comment; the darn snake was worth $100 per foot to some dealers.)

This evening when I walked the FLB* (sweet baby Harley) I opened my mailbox and started to pull out the one envelope that was in there.  Suddenly I realized SOMETHING WAS RIDING ON THE ENVELOPE.  I know there are people out there who will not believe this, but I did not scream like a wounded hyena and leap around the mailbox!  I calmly flicked the envelope so that the small frog - yes it was only a frog - hopped off the envelope and out of the hole in the back of my mailbox.

I hope the FLB* (my precious darling terrier Harley) can hold it until morning; I'm twitching and jerking too much to take him out again tonight. Can we say RELAPSE!?!

*FLB=freakin' little bastard