Where you from, you sandhill crane?

These are sandhill cranes.  According to the St. Augustine Record they were spotted in Palatka (a small city on the St. Johns River about 45 minutes southwest of St. Augustine) over the weekend.  There are two subspecies of sandhill cranes found in  Florida:  the Florida sandhill crane which resides here, and the greater sandhill crane which lives in the Great Lakes Region but spends the winters here.  So which subspecies are the ones spotted near Palatka?  "According to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, the two are indistinguishable as both have gray plumage and a bald red crown." I read this article earlier today while I was having my morning break.  Something bothered me then and I didn't realize what it was until I reread the article this evening.

If they are indistinguishable then why are they two different subspecies?  Looks to me like they are only different because of where they call home.  If that's the case I can help the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission differentiate between the Florida sandhill cranes and the greater sandhill cranes from the Great Lakes region.

The Florida sandhill cranes live in Florida and pay taxes in Florida; however, when asked where they are from they often say New York or New Jersey or Chicago because they lived in those cities 10-20 years ago.   The Florida sandhill cranes are laid back and don't rattle easily.  Tropical storm warning?  Yawn.  Hurricane warning?  Quick trip to Home Depot.  Voting in a Presidential Election?  PANIC - hanging chads!  The Florida sandhill cranes read Carl Hiassen, Dave Barry, Tim Dorsey, Eliot Kleinberg, and Edna Buchanan, and laugh at and with other Floridians about their weird behavior.  Florida sandhill cranes often sport bumper stickers that say WE DON'T CARE HOW YOU DID IT UP NORTH. 

The greater sandhill cranes drive south to Florida every January.  They clog the highways with RVs, trailers, and campers, all with bikes hanging on the back and bumper stickers that say ASK ME ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN or I'M SPENDING MY CHILDREN'S INHERITANCE.    Once these cranes settle into their Florida destinations of choice, they crowd the grocery stores, restaurants, movie theaters, and malls.  They often drive in the right hand lane for miles with their right turn signal on, slowing at every street to see if, no, that's not it, no, that's not it, etc.  The greater sandhill cranes show up at exercise classes, churches, and book clubs, and, just as we are getting to know them, they are gone again.

So to which subspecies do the birds in the picture belong? They are Florida sandhill cranes.  Check the date.  It's October!  The greater sandhill cranes are still in the Great Lakes region enjoying the fall colors and anticipating their white Christmases.

Duh...!

Florida Heritage Book Festival - Part Deaux

Sunday - Today's a day when I wanted to have the TV on for company.  I can start to see now where a year might be a long time.  Instead of turning on the TV and then having to confess publicly, I listened to NPR this morning and then read Hammerhead Ranch Motel by Tim Dorsey.  I have got to pull some quotes out of that book for future use!

I learned A LOT at the Book Festival yesterday.  I'm going through my notes today to reinforce what I learned and to share some other writers' experiences.  As soon as I finish blogging I am going to send a very sincere THANK YOU to Nancy Haddock, writer of La Vida Vampire and Last Vampire Standing.  She was so gracious and so friendly and so very helpful.  I asked her about writing classes (there are several on-line and few in an classroom), and she told me about the Florida Writers Association and the various chapters and genre/chapters in the area, then she took me by the arm and pulled me across the room, and introduced me to Vic DiGenti, the Director of the FWA.  Thank you, Nancy!

Vic explained the meeting schedule and took down my name and email address so I could receive the FWA newsletter.  I've already had an email from him with links to his own web site and to the FWA web site.  Thanks, Vic!

As I mentioned yesterday Lucienne Diver invited me to send a query and 5 pages of my manuscript to her.  Also very gracious!  And funny!  I can't wait to start reading Vamped.  And I hope to get some feedback on Bucksnort.

I attended three presentations yesterday afternoon.  The first was given by Eliot Kleinberg (That's Eliot in the picture above - Kelly is the blonde waiting for him to sign her book.) who writes for the Palm Beach Post and who has also posted several books.  Check out his web site: eliotkleinberg .  I purchased his nonfiction book Black Cloud The Deadly Hurricane of 1928.  In addition to writing historical books he writes about how weird Florida is, and that is what is presentation was about.  We all spent the hour laughing at (ourselves) and Florida.  He was very entertaining.

After a delicious lunch at La Herencia with Kelly (and two very potent glasses of yummy sangria) I grabbed a glass of ice tea to go at the Hot Shot Bakery and made my way back to the Ringhaver Student Center.  (A big thank you to Sherry at Hot Shot Bakery who told me I could park in her parking lot instead of feeding dollar bills into the meter!)  I had almost an hour to kill so made the financial error of visiting the Marketplace again.  $45 later I had 3 more books and totally blew my budget this week!

The next presenter was Tom Cavanaugh (no, not the actor who played in the TV show Ed) but a Florida author with 3 books published.  His presentation was very low-key and all about the trail he followed to get published.  It was also a lesson that you haven't "made it" until you've "made it" like John Grisham or Stephen King.  Tom had just been informed by his New York publishing house that, even though his book Head Games had won all kinds of awards, they were no longer going to continue to publish his works.  He was back to square one.

He had also received a ticket on his trip over from Orlando.  He was stopped just south of St. Augustine on I-95 and given a ticket for having tinted windows that were too dark.  No kidding.  And the cop told him that he had already given out tickets for the very same offense several times this month on the same stretch of highway.  The cop pointed out that if a citizen had windows that were too dark and they were hijacked, the "po po"  (rhymes with doe doe) couldn't help them.  "Po Po?"  Where did this cop come from?  I am so staying off I-95 south!

Back to Tom's writing and publishing history.  He sent in his first book Murderland to a contest and won; the prize was being published by a small publishing house.  His research turned up many complaints and almost a scam-type operation so he voided that contract.  He did point out that the publishing house was very gracious about allowing him to cancel.  He then submitted it to some small print houses and succeeded in getting it published.  He said that although it was published it made very little money; one of his largest checks was for $40 and it was not uncommon to receive a check for $3.00.  He determined that his next book would be published by one of the big publishing houses if at all possible.  The small publishing house still has the rights to any sequel he may want to do in regards to Murderland.

In order to get a Big Press Publisher he needed an agent.  He said the typical agent is nonresponsive and not to take offense.  He knows he is not his agent's biggest earner; he does appreciate that his agent is very responsive to him.  His agent submitted his manuscript to 25 houses and got 25 rejections.  They were about to approach the smaller publishers when his agent suggested trying one of the rejecting houses again; the person who had rejected the manuscript had been replaced, so his replacement probably wouldn't know that the manuscript had already been rejected.  And that editor offered him a contract!

That book Head Games won many literary awards and was successful enough that the publisher offered him another contract for a sequel.  He had six months to write it, and he pointed out that like so many of us, he has a "real job" that supports his family, so he spent every spare second writing to make that deadline.  That meant writing every night from 9pm to midnight, and when he traveled for work - which was frequently - wrote during his flights and in his hotel rooms.  The second book Prodigal  Son was published.  Then his contract was dropped.

He was very pragmatic about being dropped, pointing out that the publishing business is based on numbers and formulas.  His Head Games manuscript was 95,000 words originally, and the publisher told him he had to reduce it to 90,000 words to make it viable to sell.    So many pages cost so many dollars to print - the expected profit on so many pages would equal so many dollars, etc.  So even though he is back to square one and has to start over with sending queries to publishing houses, he did not seem bitter or angry. 

He also pointed out that even though he has a degree in screenwriting, connections in Hollywood, and experience writing scripts for Nickelodeon, NONE OF THAT HELPED HIM TO GET PUBLISHED.  He said it was a combination of luck and perseverance.  He read the first chapter of Head Games aloud to us and I now want to read it - excellent.

The last presentation was by Tim Dorsey (pictured above).  If you are a fan I need say nothing more.  If you've never heard of him then check out his web site www.timdorsey.com .  He has been compared to Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard.  His writing is wacky, funny, violent, vulgar, offensive, and entertaining.  He told book tour stories during his presentation.  And he was wacky, funny, and entertaining.

All in all a great experience but I have a lot of homework.  And last year during the First Florida Heritage Book Festival I spent the entire weekend indoors, watching the stupid TV, and cursing myself for being too chicken to attend.  Hurray for me!

"AUTHOR!"

My second week without TV seems to be going well.  I'm getting used to the quiet atmosphere of my condo.  I don't even turn on the radio some nights.  I still nap too much, but I'm reading lots more!  Since I love to read this has been a true bonus.  I'm still leery about the future.  After all, all I've really missed is a bunch of reruns and some political speeches.  The new TV season is launching soon and then the holidays will roll around.  WHAT!?  NO MACY'S PARADE ON THANKSGIVING?  I didn't think this through!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

This weekend brings the Florida Heritage Book Festival to St. Augustine.  This is my first conference - my first Book Conference - and the first that I will be attending as a writer.  I was scared to death.  Was.  An eerie calm has overtaken me.  I may act like a boob, a fool, an idiot; I may not.  I am not worried.  I wish I knew from where this calm came, I would stuff it in a capsule, sell it to Merck, and retire to my oceanfront compound.

Two writers will be staying at the St. Francis Inn.  Both check in tomorrow.  One is Tim Dorsey, author of the weird series with two anti-heroes that you can't help but kind-of-like and fear.  Yes, fear, because Serge or Coleman could be in the car next to you on US 1.  Serge would either be medicated and fairly safe, or off his meds and totally insane!  Don't look!  Don't look!  And Coleman - he better not be driving because he is either drunk or stoned or both at all times.  Yet I can't help but like these two; they didn't ask to be what they are and they are just your typical screwups most of the time.  I've only read Tim Dorsey's first book in the series - Florida Roadkill - and I'm hooked.  His antiheroes and stories remind me of both Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard - two favorite authors of mine.  What I truly enjoy is that the bad guys get what they deserve!  Tim Dorsey will be speaking Saturday and I will be there.  I hope to meet him either at the Inn or at the event.

The other writer is Eliot Kleinberg who writes for the Palm Beach Post.  He has also published several books and his topics center on the essential weirdness of Florida.  I believe Weird Florida is also his topic during his presentation Saturday.  I look forward to his presentation and meeting him also.

In addition Nancy Haddock will be there signing books in the morning.  I've already emailed her to confirm she will be there and she has been so nice and so friendly to correspond with me.  Her La Vida Vampire is one of my favorite books now. 

I went by the Dollar Store on my way home hoping to find some tacky Florida souvenirs to put in a Welcome Basket for Misters Dorsey and Kleinberg.  I found NOTHING.  Not even one blasted pink flamingo!  How can a Dollar Store NOT have tacky souvenir stuff!  I think they should have their license pulled.  I know of a couple other places to look, but I was hoping to stay in the DOLLAR range.  (stupid Dollar store)

Day 3 - What's going on ?

I really expected to miss my TV. I scheduled my life around Sunday Morning, Soprano reruns, even It's Me or the Dog. Except for some physical herky-jerkiness that I will explain later, I'm suffering no withdrawal pains. That scares me - maybe it takes a few days or a week then hits like heroin withdrawal!
No nap today. I had a hair appointment and so totally enjoyed it I ended up staying late and chatting until almost 7:00 pm. And my appointment was at 3:30! I seem to have all this enthusiasm and self-esteem (from following-through with a project?) and I'm either suffering a severe manic episode, or really coming out of my shell.
Robin and Gail, the owners of Fringe, where I get my hair cut & colored, had traveled to Nova Scotia and New Brunswick in late June/early July. My all-time favorite vacation was two weeks spent with friends touring, you guessed it, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. Robin shared her photos on her laptop while my hair sat in its chemical bath. New Age music played on the Satellite Radio system and I was once again traveling in Cape Breton, and rafting the river while the Bay of Fundy tide rolled in, and hiking the beaches with rocky shores and dangerous cliffs.
After the color, shampoo, cut, and style were complete Robin and I sat in her newly decorated lobby - complete with a beautiful painting she did herself of a lion -and talked about Canada, friends, health, writing, traveling, flooring, moving, etc.
I finally remembered I had a dog at home waiting to be let out to pee and left. Once I arrived home I let Harley out immediately and, after he took many minutes to relieve himself, then took him for a walk to apologize for being late.
I set about cooking dinner and booting up my laptop and felt the urge to turn on the TV - habit more than a desire to watch anything. I turned on the radio, cooked dinner,caught up on my email and facebook, read some more of Tim Dorsey's Florida Roadkill, and before I knew it, it was bedtime.
I cannot believe how short the evenings are. I cannot believe how long the evenings seemed to be when I was slouched in my chair channel-surfing. This is weird.
By the way I apologize for the misleading title to yesterday's post. I meant to explain it but then I forgot. Last night when I took Harley out for his night-night pee-pee (hey, that's how he talks, not me) there was this HUGE UGLY kind-of GRAY SPLOTCHY FROG on my patio and he was all sprawled out and didn't even move when Harley sniffed at him. I bent over and looked more closely and saw it wasn't ONE HUGE UGLY SPLOTCHY FROG it was a smaller ugly splotchy gray frog on top of the large ugly splotchy gray frog. I could only think of one reason for this position, but they weren't moving at all. Had we caught them in a post-coitus stupor? I don't know but just the thought of it grossed me out.